[triumph] the second biggest hill in the world

The biggest hill in the world, of course, is the one Niki climbed after Merry Wives of Windsor. (Well, okay, actually, this is the biggest hill in the world, but setting that aside for the moment.)

The hill leading up to my apartment complex is the kind of hill that kind of prevents me from ever walking down it because I know that, no matter how good the rest of my walk is, it will have to end with GIGANTIC HILL OF DOOM.

So:
+Every Wednesday night, I go to meditation down in Westport. (Please ask me for details if you want to join us. It's a great blessing for me.)
+My car is still in Iowa, scrunched up and sad and with blood in the hood from the deer I hit last Monday.
+My girlfriend is in Wichita, visiting her family, and for reasons that fall into I Do Not Blog Publicly About My Health, I chose not to couldn't come with her.

So I walked to Westport. It's a four mile walk. I did it in jussst over an hour, so I'm just under my preferred walking speed (4 mph), but basically I'm pleased that I can still walk almost 4 mph despite being ever so slightly out of shape from several years of no exercise at all. So that was a physical triumph. Laziness, 0, Ruth Ellen, 1.

Then, before meditation started, I had a lengthy and enthused conversation with the people I meditate with (about the only subject I can reliably talk about at length and with enthusiasm: church. Specifically ours.) Still! Social anxiety, 0, Ruth Ellen, 1.

Meditation itself? Was so much better than for instance last week, when I was so anxious about the deer strike and related issues that I couldn't turn my brain off long enough to even try to meditate. This week, tired from walking and feeling lots less anxious, I actually managed to meditate without my brain exploding. General anxiety, 0, Ruth Ellen, 1.

Then I walked back home, since I canna sleep in Westport, and made that trip also in just over an hour. It seemed easier, too, except for that incredibly large hill that makes me never want to walk down from the safety of the apartment complex again.

So I walked eight miles yesterday. I give me 1 gold star, and my dad gives me two (one for every state I walked in) and my mom gives me one, and my best friend gives me one, and I am open to more. :)

+++

Then I stayed up until 5 in the morning talking first to best friend on the phone for nearly 6 hours and then to best Australian friend on IM (we almost never have the chance to chat because of the halfway around the world problem) until I finally had to collapse asleep. So sleep remains a problem.

But I walked eight miles yesterday, you guys. And had a real conversation and meditated deeply enough that my brain was almost, almost silent for half an hour.

\o/

Greetings

I am here, so now I just have to post something.

Yahoo article on orgaic foods

There's an article today through Yahoo on findings that organic foods are just as nutrient as regular food. Most people (I don't think) switch because of the nutrients. For me it's eating something that doesn't have toxic spray on it to fight insects, that could cause cancer in humans. But most important organic meat means the animal had a better quality life istead of being caged. The organic vegetables means they used environmental practices for the earth that didn't put chemicals into the ground table water and poisons that would affect the surrounding ecosystem. Local organic foods supports the local farmer who is trying to survive, taste better and it is better for the environment for food to travel less than 100 miles.

Three questions

1) What do you think when you hear the word organic?
2) What does that mean to you?
3) On some things are you willing to buy organic?


Because of the high cost of organic many can not afford it. I know, I can't sometimes. The consumer demand lately is to have more options available and with the higher demand, more companies will do it. It will eventually lower some prices. Walmart and Target are going green. I hope they're doing it for the good not because it's a money maker. Every little step we do goes a long way.

Fight for the injustice that causing harm to the earth. Customers have the power by what they buy or not buy. Pollution in all the geochemical cycles are affecting people, plants and animals.
Be a voice for God's creation in how you live: simple

Four Basic Types of Fats

There's alot of confusion on the different types of fats. Here is a defintion of the 4 fats.

1) Saturated fats - found primary in red meat, full-fat dairy products, and some tropical oils - has well-established negative health effects, increasing your risk of diabetes, coronary heart disease, stroke, some cancers, and obesity.

2) Trans fat - listed on food labels as "partially hydrogenated vegetable oil" - are also bad, probably even worse than saturated oil. (Put into the products to make the foods last long).

3) Polyunsaturated fatty acids - Both omega-6 and omega-3 are so called polyunsaturated fatty acids. Omega-6 fatty acids are currently overabundant in the typical Western diet. They are present in corn, safflower, cottonseed, and sunflower oils. Omega 3 fats come in two distinct forms: plant derived and largely marine species drived.

4) Monounsaturated fats - the kinds found in olive oil and canola oils.


Healthy omega 3 and omega 6 in diet

1) Cook with canola rather than corn or safflower oil
2) Eat soy nuts and walnuts
3) Sprinkle wheat germ on cereal and yogurt: use it in baking
4) Eat wild Salmon, not farmed
5) Use flaxseed in muffins and breads.
6) Avoid processed and refined foods whenever possible, including packaged cakes, cookies, and backed goods.

Fats

Bad fats

• aeosolized whipped cream
• canned franks and beans
• coffee shop pastries
• creamy dressings
• fried foods and fried vegetables
• gravies
• hot dogs
• hydrogenated and particially hydrogenated oil products: margarine and solid vegetable shortening and overprocessed vegetable oils
• ice cream
• imitation dairy products
• mayonnaise
• microwave popcorn
• muffin and cake mixes
• peanut butter (use unsweetened, nonhyrogenated nut butters)
• processed snack foods: cakes, crackers, doughnuts, pastries, potato and corn chips
• sausages
• toaster pastries

Good fats

• plant sources such as unrefined flax oil, pumpkinseed oil, nuts like walnuts, and vegetables such as green purslane.
• fish - herring, mackerel, salmon, sardines, and sprat (fish that feed on seaweed)
• whole nuts and seeds
• chia seeds and flaxseeds
• cook with high-quality fats and oils
• Avoid - recipes and ingredients lists that have the following terms: breaded, buttered, cream, fried and gravy.
• Key Words - unrefined and organic

[three things] habits

Twofer: Threefer.

What are three unhealthy habits you'd like to break?

What are three healthy habits you'd like to establish?

What are three healthy habits that you already have?

prayer request

If you would hold me in your prayers this weekend? That would be super lovely.

*adores*

Wisdom on water

Okay here it goes,

I just finished a good book called "Saltwater Buddha - A Surfer's Quest To Find Zen On The Sea, by Jaimal Yogis" ( Couldn't find the underline button for a book). It's a excellent book written by an journalist who finds his spirituality in the ocean as a surfer. During his life journey he keeps coming back to the ocean and finds his religion in the sea. He becomes one with the water, a passion and a compulsion that he can't stop. He saw his journey of life like the ocean with storms (tough times) and calm waters (good blessings). The ocean water changes with season (some places like New York), water currents, temperature, chemistry changes like pollution. The sea became his teacher on life and how to approach things. The most important thing I learned from the book is 1) be who I am (not try to be something else for everybody, to conform) and 2) go with the flow of life (like the waves of the ocean). That is take life as it comes.

I'm trying to get in shape by swimming. I always loved the sport and I know somehow I also have a connect with the water. I can block off the outside world of people, music, television, phones, computers, and the rat race of life. People eat when they're frustrated; I've been letting it out in my swimming. It helps me focus and think things through. It's my meditation or Zen moment. I love the feel around me with water, feeling free.

I remember when I lived in Florida there was a beautiful beach that we went to and swam in with the stingrays. They are tame beautiful creatures that fly in the water like birds. (Of course I'm in their home so there's signs to shuffle your feet when entering the water so they know your coming and not spook them because that's when they sting).

Water has always fasinated me, maybe that's one reason I'm on the Stream Team. I want to be an advocate for the creatures in the water. We need the baby larva and pupa stages of insects to become adults. The adult insects are food for fish and so on up the food chain.

Water represents life in basptism. All living things need water. And yet it's the most destructive force on the face of the earth, in storms, hurricanes, etc. In fact, if we keep polluting the ocean water will change the Atlantic conver belt (one type of pattern of ocean currents) and Europe will have an ice age.

Future wars will not be over religion or politics but over who has the clean water.

In chemistry water can dissolve, dilute or bond to other elements.

Our bodies are mostly made of water.

I could go on to a book on this topic of water but I don't want to bore people with the basics of science.

For now medidate on this: Go get a glass of water, look at it, praise God for it, and drink it slowly.

Vicki

today

I have a lot of stuff bouncing around today in my head. I am trying hard to keep it all straight so that I can be a coherent human and get my stuff done!

1. being an adult can sometimes suck.... I wanted so badly to go to the lake today (self invited lake trip that is) but I have homework.. and as an adult I absolutely understand that by not doing my work to enjoy the day at the lake I am hurting myself and it really isn't worth it...*stupid growing up*

2. I just got my KCP&L bill and it is 150.00 ... what the heck?? We have been short a couple of people in the house and I actually have accomplished getting the kids to shut the doors etc when they are leaving.. also I turned my ac up... is there some new rate hike or tax I didn't know was coming?

3. I miss my kids.

4. Richard called me this week and said that he was getting on the plane with the kids to come back to KC. For all of you who know my situation you KNOW this causes me an enormous amount of stress... and I am not sure what to do about it.

5. I am starving... and I don't really have anything in the fridge... so the opportunity for bad choices is pretty high right now.

6. I adore my church and the people within it.

7. I am surrounded today with the grace of God which means all of this stuff bouncing around will work itself out... probably with very little help from me!

8. I was able to help my Pastor with her thumb owie a little and that ALWAYS makes me feel good.

love you all

today

Joy-
I made a list of all the things I needed to do in the next few days.

-I have accomplished at least three of the things on the list and am well on my way to getting the fourth done.

-Kids are behaving relatively well considering it is a day of chores.

-Dogs have had no accidents in the house as of yet.

-I walked Gunny for 10 min last night which is 10 min more than I have in a week.

Challenge-

I made a list of all the things I needed to do in the next few days and it is long.

I am sick to my stomach today. (possibly because I can't get ride of the anxiety that I am feeling about the kids getting on a plane by themselves and being gone for three weeks)

joy

Ruth Ellen: 1, anxiety disorder: 0.

Or, did you see what I did there this morning?

Yeah, that's really all I got. I'm just basking.

Joys

- I have a beautifully creative daughter who wants to drink pink water and paint pictures of me eating an apple looking at a dragon.

-I have a brilliant son who has nearly all the same interests as me and I can nerd out with him.

-The sunset last night was absolutely fabulous.. purple and orange-red tinted clouds under a deep blue sky.

-I am surrounded by people who not only love me but think about me and check in on me.

-My dog's kisses

-Girls at work who make me laugh every day.

-My parents who love me deeply.(which seems an in-adequate description of how full my heart is over how much they care for me)

[spoons, willpower, and grace] your faith has made you well

1. Spoons is actually the first thing I wanted to post about when we started discussing this blog. Spoon Theory [link goes to main page where there's a link to the 2 page pdf] is a way of conceptualizing chronic illness/disability that's really meaningful and helpful for me and many of the people I know. Go ahead and read it; I'll wait.

Here, e.g., people describe their own particular spoon requirements in living with repetitive stress injuries, blindness, anxiety, and other conditions.

Spoons are resources/energy that temporarily able-bodied people (this designation is a reminder that anyone could become disabled at any time) have and don't think about. Walking/running through an airport to catch a plane is annoying for me, but for someone with chronic pain in her leg, it's not annoying. It's impossible. Could she do the walking? Well, probably. Probably, it's physically possible. But it would be so utterly exhausting that she wouldn't have any spoons left for anything else, so she chooses to use a wheelchair to navigate the airport and save spoons for getting luggage, navigating ground transportation, etc.

While Spoons per se should probably remain a term for discussing living with physical or mental disability, I think the idea of resources as finite is important for all of us.

I really appreciate Pr. Donna's wording in the sidebar; the goal is becoming the healthiest person you can be. That doesn't mean that chronic illness is gonna go away; it does mean that it's possible to be healthy within the constraints that illness imposes.

++

2. This actually makes me think of y'all's recent posts and thoughts: Niki thinking about willpower (do we choose to have or not have it) and Trudy's reflections on control (and acknowledging that we don't have it and ceding it to God), and Pr. Donna's June 28 sermon about how "you can't do that" is not a Jesus-like thing to think or say. ("If we're part of Christ's body, can't shouldn't be in our vocabulary.")

And... I don't think there's one answer. I don't think there's one way to conceptualize control, will-power, free will, and grace as we go about trying to build healthy bodies and healthy minds and healthy lives, because we're all at different places (although I know God is working in all of our lives, and we're never without grace).

For instance:
+I don't drink alcohol. This choice takes absolutely 0 willpower, energy, or spoons. I have no desire or temptation to drink alcohol.
+On the other hand, eating three meals a day? Is a massive, daily challenge at which I am currently failing. Pretty much all my meals are preceded by a grace wherein I thank God for helping to overcome the massive mental blocks between me and taking care of myself.

I know that for me, as soon as I start on the "I didn't get out of bed until past noon today -- I have no willpower -- no, I have willpower, I'm just lazy -- I am lazy and a failure --" track, there's no good that can arise from that. I'm still working on patterns of thinking that hold me accountable without holding me captive. (And I still think grace is the answer).

++

3. Accountability:

Joys:
+I meditate weekly with a small but committed group at Westport Pres. And the Jesus Prayer ("Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner") is constantly in my heart.
+Practicing openness and honesty with people who care about me.
+New medz, about which I have great hope.

Challenges:
+Uhh, getting out of bed before noon one two? I'd like to get back to midday services at Grace and Holy Trinity.
+Three meals a day. Seriously.
+Exercise, getting some.

acting out

OK-

So I have yet to post a joy.. although I did reply to Ruth Ellen with a joy verse... I swear I feel joy and quite often.. it just seems as if the stress gets more attention.

Daughter is acting out. I don't know if she is doing this consciously or if it just the nature of a young girl who has some stress of her own. She is breaking the rules, not doing chores and is generally a pain in the butt. I was going to be more gentle than that but it is the truth God love her.

I came home tonight after having cut 12 people's hair in 5 hrs and getting crappy tips. I didn't even get out of the car at my folks house because I was so tired. The kids got in the car and daughter wasn't feeling well.. after I came home and saw the disaster I suspect she felt bad because she knew she had destroyed the bathroom! I looked back at her and both her hands, her leg and her foot (not to mention a good portion of her face) were bright pink...I asked and her response was "It's food coloring"... well as my good friend Lisa would say I didn't twig! It did not occur to me in the slightest that when I got home I would walk into a bathroom that looked as if Happy Bunny had been sacrificed to the gods of mischief.

I walked into my house and then into my kitchen and my cousin (who lives here) said ..."um.. have you looked in the bathroom?" her eyes were wide and I was very afraid.

There was pink dye all over my bathroom. This is dye you use for coloring icing for cakes.. the good kind. The expensive kind. My sink, toilet, tub, towels, walls, shower curtain and floor were all splattered with dye.. splattered sounds nice.. it was..well all I can say is holy crap.

So I am sitting at the computer trying to not go eat some blueberry cheesecake because I am in no way hungry... I am stressed... I went to the store and got some magic erasers and they seemed to do fairly well although I imagine we will have to use them more than once to get everything off....

I am going to head to bed and send a good prayer up to God.. thanking him for giving me the patience to not throttle my daughter whom I love more than life... and that tomorrow will maybe have less stress...

please?

Joys

I feel very healthy of late, and am really happy about that. I need to lose some weight, after a very successful effort last year. Other than that, I'm pleased with the way things are going.

I get out and walk at least twice a day. I would like to say that it's because I am vigilant about exercise. Really it's because I have a dog.

I am working less than I was when I went back to the restaurant. I feel more peace, because I'm not running from one place to another all of the time. I have a lot of things to do for church, and I need more energy to do them. This week off is working wonders in that direction.

I'm nurturing friendships after a hiatus in the suburbs. Yes, it is possible to live in the suburbs and maintain your friendships. There's more to that comment than meets the eye, and it's staying that way. I'm just pleased about reconnecting with friends.

So those are my joys right now. I'm going to the kitchen now, and hopefully will make a good choice. Wish me luck.

Challenges

1st challenge-

hanging out with my extended family creates and environment of eating crappy food and drinking way to much.
2nd challenge-
i have a hard time switching gears... i can't (or don't) eat like crap for a few days and then get back on the "eating better" wagon.
3rd challenge-
i have (or choose to have) no will power...
grrrr